








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 101 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
894 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,081 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 777 | 25% |
| Smokes | 655 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 619 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1030 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $630,265 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .Pav | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | Bonson Crate | 53% | 17 |
| #3 | Dolphinio | 50% | 10 |
| #4 | Nakey Toad | 49% | 117 |
| #5 | Dale | 48% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Nakey Toad | 49% | 117 |
| #5 | Dale | 48% | 23 |
| #6 | Choo Choo | 47% | 88 |
| #7 | Geralt of rivia | 37% | 49 |
| #8 | Fluff | 34% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nakey Toad | 20 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | Fluff | 11 | 0.0077 |
| #3 | Dale | 11 | 0.0272 |
| #4 | Choo Choo | 6 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Geralt of rivia | 4 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nakey Toad | 154 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #2 | Geralt of rivia | 125 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | .Pav | 58 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #4 | Choo Choo | 34 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | Dale | 24 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dolphinio | +6.65 | 90 | 31 |
| #2 | Geralt of rivia | +4.40 | 59 | 71 |
| #3 | Nakey Toad | +2.31 | 58 | 52 |
| #4 | Dale | +2.15 | 71 | 46 |
| #5 | .Pav | +1.09 | 71 | 47 |





