








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 135 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 144 matches | ||
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2103 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,008 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2712 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2415 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1752 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2129 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $411,001 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 115 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | brodyn | 71% | 17 |
| #2 | mild | 60% | 15 |
| #3 | Hossinator | 53% | 79 |
| #4 | Your Stepdad | 50% | 14 |
| #5 | DATASSPHAT | 50% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Swel | 42% | 38 |
| #7 | gloink | 41% | 17 |
| #8 | Twiigzz | 38% | 16 |
| #9 | troy | 34% | 86 |
| #10 | Militant | 17% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hossinator | 8 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | DATASSPHAT | 3 | 0.0097 |
| #3 | troy | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Your Stepdad | 2 | 0.0067 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hossinator | 246 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #2 | troy | 204 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Swel | 116 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | brodyn | 107 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #5 | mild | 57 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Your Stepdad | +2.15 | 83 | 54 |
| #2 | Hossinator | +2.12 | 89 | 72 |
| #3 | brodyn | +1.86 | 77 | 73 |
| #4 | mild | +1.29 | 89 | 82 |
| #5 | troy | +0.63 | 87 | 64 |





