








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Premier | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




208 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1995 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,717 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1795 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2060 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1576 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1286 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $445,657 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lukedukecross | 47% | 15 |
| #2 | Sandy Cheeks | 45% | 204 |
| #3 | Theodore Bagwell | 43% | 80 |
| #4 | lilmegxo | 42% | 66 |
| #5 | tetro | 41% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | lilmegxo | 42% | 66 |
| #5 | tetro | 41% | 22 |
| #6 | Ted Kaczynski | 37% | 46 |
| #7 | bractea | 36% | 75 |
| #8 | ₣ Ɇ Ɽ ₳ Ⱡ | 33% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Theodore Bagwell | 56 | 0.0365 |
| #2 | Sandy Cheeks | 54 | 0.0132 |
| #3 | bractea | 27 | 0.0178 |
| #4 | ₣ Ɇ Ɽ ₳ Ⱡ | 18 | 0.0318 |
| #5 | tetro | 18 | 0.0463 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sandy Cheeks | 570 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| #2 | Theodore Bagwell | 261 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #3 | ₣ Ɇ Ɽ ₳ Ⱡ | 105 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | tetro | 95 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #5 | Ted Kaczynski | 83 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Luigi | +2.98 | 57 | 43 |
| #2 | Sandy Cheeks | +2.42 | 55 | 63 |
| #3 | ₣ Ɇ Ɽ ₳ Ⱡ | +0.76 | 80 | 60 |
| #4 | tetro | +0.33 | 68 | 27 |
| #5 | lukedukecross | -0.82 | 68 | 49 |





