








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 754 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 217 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




52 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6724 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,894 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3141 | 20% |
| Smokes | 4597 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4077 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4079 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,834,167 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 182 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Friedrich Merz | 50% | 117 |
| #9 | Jesus | 48% | 196 |
| #10 | Sqsi | 48% | 143 |
| #11 | Butterfisch | 48% | 196 |
| #12 | TopG | 47% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | todubblen | 31 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | wollysound | 29 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | Gabs | 22 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | Jesus | 10 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Friedrich Merz | 10 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gabs | 621 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #2 | Jesus | 397 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #3 | Butterfisch | 364 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #4 | wollysound | 313 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | todubblen | 310 | 0.05 | 8 min |





