








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 248 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September






The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 111 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




76 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1508 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,863 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1753 | 36% |
| Smokes | 984 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 745 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1381 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $749,645 of utility $247 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 236 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | jasi | 43% | 30 |
| #5 | hax 87 | 36% | 14 |
| #6 | Brazzers Germany | 33% | 9 |
| #7 | h0lly ' | 25% | 12 |
| #8 | theviper | 17% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | theviper | 13 | 0.0514 |
| #2 | Dr. med. Räscher | 9 | 0.0357 |
| #3 | h0lly ' | 6 | 0.0238 |
| #4 | GekonnteBretter | 4 | 0.0125 |
| #5 | hax 87 | 3 | 0.0113 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | theviper | 189 | 0.75 | 1 min |
| #2 | Dr. med. Räscher | 178 | 0.71 | 1 min |
| #3 | GekonnteBretter | 158 | 0.50 | 1 min |
| #4 | h0lly ' | 46 | 0.18 | 0 min |
| #5 | hax 87 | 30 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | theviper | +4.89 | 90 | 12 |
| #2 | Dr. med. Räscher | +3.42 | 61 | 31 |
| #3 | Igor | +2.53 | 58 | 48 |
| #4 | GekonnteBretter | +2.38 | 46 | 28 |
| #5 | h0lly ' | +0.19 | 59 | 38 |





