








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 448 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 57 matches | ||
| Faceit | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 73 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




106 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5372 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,521 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5193 | 28% |
| Smokes | 5053 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4195 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4080 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $964,341 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 487 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | ☁️Loud Pack Logan (always hi | 60% | 25 |
| #11 | Jadex | 60% | 30 |
| #12 | pZk | 60% | 47 |
| #13 | muscle mommy | 59% | 99 |
| #14 | SPiT RoaST Da BiTCH | 52% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | redman | 60 | 0.0155 |
| #2 | swagmaster | 24 | 0.0082 |
| #3 | I Test My Crack | 15 | 0.0088 |
| #4 | unsat uwu | 6 | 0.0098 |
| #5 | pZk | 5 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | redman | 996 | 0.26 | 24 min |
| #2 | SuperCats | 379 | 0.21 | 12 min |
| #3 | swagmaster | 340 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #4 | muscle mommy | 204 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | I Test My Crack | 203 | 0.12 | 5 min |





