








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 563 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 697 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7904 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,250 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2459 | 19% |
| Smokes | 3217 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3547 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 4027 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,645,308 of utility $294 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 194 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | PyroPriest | 56% | 126 |
| #13 | Dizzy | 54% | 81 |
| #14 | Master Roshi [L2M] | 53% | 64 |
| #15 | 𒉭 Pacifist | 52% | 63 |
| #16 | Fade | 43% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Jean^^ | 36 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | ✪Tyr | 14 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | fubzヅ -iwnl- | 8 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | Dizzy | 7 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | Jake<3 | 4 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Tyr | 1104 | 0.24 | 28 min |
| #2 | ✪Jean^^ | 784 | 0.11 | 18 min |
| #3 | Jake<3 | 601 | 0.20 | 16 min |
| #4 | fubzヅ -iwnl- | 435 | 0.21 | 12 min |
| #5 | 2SSB | 315 | 0.31 | 9 min |





