








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 760 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 319 matches | ||
| Faceit | 190 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




56 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5378 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,281 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6802 | 27% |
| Smokes | 7187 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5799 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 5493 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $880,884 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1088 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Jean^^ | 67% | 185 |
| #2 | Beserker | 64% | 45 |
| #3 | PyroPriest | 64% | 28 |
| #4 | ✪Tyr | 62% | 152 |
| #5 | Dextny™ | 61% | 96 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Dextny™ | 61% | 96 |
| #6 | Jake<3 | 60% | 75 |
| #7 | Sinhility | 53% | 34 |
| #8 | AbSyN | 49% | 55 |
| #9 | turah | 33% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Jean^^ | 17 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | ✪Tyr | 7 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Jake<3 | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | AbSyN | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | turah | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Tyr | 764 | 0.24 | 20 min |
| #2 | ✪Jean^^ | 449 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #3 | Jake<3 | 294 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #4 | turah | 143 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | AbSyN | 131 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Jean^^ | +3.75 | 63 | 63 |
| #2 | turah | +1.13 | 78 | 61 |
| #3 | PyroPriest | +1.08 | 73 | 49 |
| #4 | fubzヅ -iwnl- | +1.02 | 62 | 68 |
| #5 | Beserker | +1.02 | 80 | 64 |





