








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 45 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
825 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,748 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 503 | 29% |
| Smokes | 348 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 532 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 365 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $257,680 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DaxsterX | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | Mirai | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | antiside | 58% | 19 |
| #4 | Iron__ | 57% | 7 |
| #5 | Whompter | 50% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Miraculix | 38% | 8 |
| #12 | Lord Hopper McFuzzy | 33% | 6 |
| #13 | Contract Killer | 33% | 6 |
| #14 | Oni鬼 | 26% | 23 |
| #15 | hλRIs | 0% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☆♥ Saphiraja ♥☆ | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | alu | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | spiiKe | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | antiside | 1 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Iron__ | 1 | 0.0075 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alu | 348 | 0.24 | 9 min |
| #2 | ☆♥ Saphiraja ♥☆ | 202 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | spiiKe | 105 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | antiside | 91 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #5 | skambi | 64 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alu | +4.22 | 88 | 70 |
| #2 | Lord Hopper McFuzzy | +2.71 | 89 | 70 |
| #3 | Whompter | +1.19 | 83 | 44 |
| #4 | antiside | +0.66 | 66 | 51 |
| #5 | H4xXxo0or1(3)(3)7*swuaag*Gebhart | +0.20 | 75 | 47 |





