








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 58 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 62 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1208 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,747 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1099 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1395 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1326 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 927 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $264,683 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⫍ ⃢ ⫎ | 57% | 14 |
| #2 | large man | 53% | 15 |
| #3 | Rambo-Maistelija | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | elemo | 48% | 31 |
| #5 | Honkkari | 46% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | elemo | 48% | 31 |
| #5 | Honkkari | 46% | 35 |
| #6 | Eskon putiikki | 40% | 73 |
| #7 | mikkiz | 31% | 32 |
| #8 | Jaahas | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eskon putiikki | 27 | 0.0172 |
| #2 | Honkkari | 8 | 0.0102 |
| #3 | ⫍ ⃢ ⫎ | 6 | 0.0214 |
| #4 | mikkiz | 3 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | Jaahas | 3 | 0.0178 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eskon putiikki | 419 | 0.27 | 10 min |
| #2 | mikkiz | 165 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #3 | ⫍ ⃢ ⫎ | 79 | 0.28 | 2 min |
| #4 | Honkkari | 75 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | large man | 54 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⫍ ⃢ ⫎ | +3.16 | 74 | 72 |
| #2 | mikkiz | +1.67 | 66 | 67 |
| #3 | PenA | +0.71 | 60 | 57 |
| #4 | large man | +0.22 | 78 | 53 |
| #5 | Eskon putiikki | -0.17 | 78 | 70 |





