








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 427 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 313 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




51 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4760 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,806 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4689 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4214 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4133 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3770 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $731,362 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1015 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joshuaeast | 58% | 26 |
| #2 | doakes | 57% | 119 |
| #3 | fawn | 55% | 131 |
| #4 | cr4ne | 53% | 86 |
| #5 | ✪Jelly | 52% | 403 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | cr4ne | 53% | 86 |
| #5 | ✪Jelly | 52% | 403 |
| #6 | Survive | 50% | 42 |
| #7 | TP | 43% | 104 |
| #8 | bmw enjoyer | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Jelly | 17 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | TP | 14 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | doakes | 10 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | bmw enjoyer | 8 | 0.0164 |
| #5 | fawn | 5 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Jelly | 633 | 0.08 | 18 min |
| #2 | doakes | 280 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #3 | TP | 249 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | cr4ne | 198 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | Survive | 70 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doakes | +2.66 | 64 | 43 |
| #2 | cr4ne | +2.62 | 79 | 61 |
| #3 | Scooty | +2.25 | 61 | 65 |
| #4 | bmw enjoyer | -0.00 | 45 | 36 |
| #5 | Joshuaeast | -0.83 | 37 | 51 |





