








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 40 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Basalt | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
868 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,118 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 482 | 23% |
| Smokes | 539 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 537 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 560 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $454,419 of utility $205 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 74 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Woof | 22% | 46 |
| #10 | ASU.ItsTypho | 20% | 10 |
| #11 | GKaay | 20% | 10 |
| #12 | Chezpuf | 14% | 7 |
| #13 | Old Gregg | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Terror of Tehran | 13 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | haloflyer | 11 | 0.0112 |
| #3 | Woof | 6 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | ASU.ItsTypho | 4 | 0.0202 |
| #5 | GKaay | 3 | 0.0146 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | haloflyer | 334 | 0.34 | 7 min |
| #2 | Terror of Tehran | 220 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | Woof | 136 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | OsloDaPig | 136 | 0.25 | 5 min |
| #5 | ⧉Ytiev | 86 | 0.30 | 2 min |





