








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 203 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 76 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1585 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,322 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 829 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1323 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1046 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1124 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $286,150 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 325 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TomTom | 71% | 24 |
| #2 | XerG | 67% | 12 |
| #3 | Gok | 67% | 12 |
| #4 | nuhs paL | 67% | 18 |
| #5 | mikowboy2020 | 63% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mikowboy2020 | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Gok | 2 | 0.0073 |
| #3 | TomTom | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | veyron | 1 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TomTom | 105 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #2 | JOKKUM | 96 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #3 | mikowboy2020 | 94 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | nuhs paL | 70 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | veyron | 48 | 0.25 | 2 min |





