








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 197 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 31 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
765 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,750 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 415 | 24% |
| Smokes | 485 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 425 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 425 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $168,182 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 94 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrWonka | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | Freia Trading | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | JOKKUM | 74% | 23 |
| #4 | Lieutenant Bart | 70% | 10 |
| #5 | fibb0 | 67% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JOKKUM | 78 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #2 | HIKAN444VVORTIC | 38 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | Trav Kirkson | 24 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #4 | thomassen | 22 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #5 | RETURN OF ANZJOEN | 16 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JOKKUM | +2.78 | 81 | 66 |
| #2 | MrWonka | +1.86 | 61 | 60 |
| #3 | mikowboy2020 | +1.72 | 81 | 63 |
| #4 | thomassen | +0.89 | 87 | 75 |
| #5 | RETURN OF ANZJOEN | +0.69 | 87 | 60 |





