








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 970 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1155 matches | ||
| Faceit | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




118 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10043 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,141 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5227 | 19% |
| Smokes | 7124 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 7067 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 7723 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,788,732 of utility $217 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1545 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Löwenstein | 55% | 127 |
| #2 | luQx' | 54% | 70 |
| #3 | Aziti_Joe | 54% | 97 |
| #4 | Gregor Geasy | 51% | 378 |
| #5 | UnterleibDynamo | 50% | 159 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Gregor Geasy | 51% | 378 |
| #5 | UnterleibDynamo | 50% | 159 |
| #6 | gaard | 50% | 162 |
| #7 | Menlo | 49% | 436 |
| #8 | Scotty P. | 48% | 126 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gregor Geasy | 50 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | Menlo | 28 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | UnterleibDynamo | 17 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Löwenstein | 8 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | gaard | 7 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Menlo | 618 | 0.07 | 17 min |
| #2 | gaard | 446 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #3 | Gregor Geasy | 360 | 0.04 | 9 min |
| #4 | Aziti_Joe | 217 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | Scotty P. | 193 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Löwenstein | +1.88 | 67 | 66 |
| #2 | luQx' | +1.57 | 74 | 48 |
| #3 | Gregor Geasy | +1.16 | 59 | 59 |
| #4 | UnterleibDynamo | +0.81 | 70 | 55 |
| #5 | Scotty P. | +0.52 | 70 | 63 |





