








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 58 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 225 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 64 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3855 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,448 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2205 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1859 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 3809 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 2575 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $886,789 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✘Denis | 67% | 27 |
| #2 | Löwenstein | 55% | 31 |
| #3 | flashhLAW. | 54% | 37 |
| #4 | Juicy | 52% | 25 |
| #5 | Royal______'# | 51% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | flashhLAW. | 8 | 0.0112 |
| #2 | b.shiesty2stony | 7 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Royal______'# | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Gregor Geasy | 6 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | Menlo | 4 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Royal______'# | 261 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #2 | b.shiesty2stony | 110 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #3 | Menlo | 94 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | ✘Denis | 57 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Gregor Geasy | 44 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Royal______'# | +3.58 | 82 | 74 |
| #2 | flashhLAW. | +2.84 | 94 | 59 |
| #3 | Löwenstein | +2.08 | 68 | 62 |
| #4 | Scotty P. | +0.40 | 69 | 64 |
| #5 | ✘Denis | +0.26 | 83 | 58 |





