








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 870 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 224 matches | ||
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 85 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5342 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,595 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3840 | 30% |
| Smokes | 3931 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1748 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 3076 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,283,796 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 700 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | seve | 66% | 29 |
| #2 | asapppp. ᵉⁿᵈ | 64% | 96 |
| #3 | dätti | 61% | 36 |
| #4 | Jenso* | 56% | 270 |
| #5 | Donnj | 56% | 242 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | dätti | 61% | 36 |
| #4 | Jenso* | 56% | 270 |
| #5 | Donnj | 56% | 242 |
| #6 | Noo_q | 55% | 294 |
| #7 | rare w | 52% | 196 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asapppp. ᵉⁿᵈ | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | dätti | 5 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | Donnj | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Noo_q | 3 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | rare w | 3 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noo_q | 843 | 0.14 | 20 min |
| #2 | rare w | 797 | 0.19 | 14 min |
| #3 | Jenso* | 748 | 0.13 | 21 min |
| #4 | Donnj | 556 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #5 | asapppp. ᵉⁿᵈ | 279 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Defy- | +3.26 | 91 | 60 |
| #2 | Jenso* | +0.75 | 68 | 69 |
| #3 | seve | +0.75 | 72 | 66 |
| #4 | Donnj | +0.38 | 79 | 69 |
| #5 | Noo_q | -0.07 | 71 | 55 |





