








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 146 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 155 matches | ||
| Faceit | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1979 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,815 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2721 | 35% |
| Smokes | 2575 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 977 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 1542 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,297,725 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 139 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Splatmonkey14 | 44% | 122 |
| #9 | Custer | 44% | 142 |
| #10 | Professor Cow | 42% | 62 |
| #11 | MBowers | 38% | 65 |
| #12 | MiaRose24 | 29% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | apolloh | 7 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | Custer | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Splatmonkey14 | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | cur1ous | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | TheTinCan | 3 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | apolloh | 675 | 0.12 | 21 min |
| #2 | TheTinCan | 501 | 0.21 | 11 min |
| #3 | Custer | 351 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #4 | Splatmonkey14 | 273 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #5 | cur1ous | 237 | 0.15 | 7 min |





