










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
49 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 255 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 19 | 7% |
| Smokes | 45 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 24 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 167 | 65% |
Our logs show you have wasted $41,671 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Squonk | 43% | 7 |
| #2 | George from IT | 33% | 3 |
| #3 | kenny jams | 27% | 11 |
| #4 | Donny Shish | 25% | 12 |
| #5 | DiscountDoomslayer | 20% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DiscountDoomslayer | 2 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | Donny Shish | 2 | 0.0088 |
| #3 | Mr Razpberry Jam | 2 | 0.0145 |
| #4 | kenny jams | 1 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | Bugtoat | 1 | 0.0357 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donny Shish | +8.09 | 85 | 65 |
| #2 | kenny jams | +3.71 | 42 | 78 |
| #3 | DiscountDoomslayer | +2.83 | 42 | 78 |
| #4 | Squonk | +0.36 | 24 | 20 |
| #5 | Bugtoat | +0.19 | 39 | 42 |





