








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 705 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 275 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4021 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,095 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1887 | 17% |
| Smokes | 2033 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 3971 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 3204 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,412,640 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 389 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ZachTK | 50% | 78 |
| #6 | baku | 44% | 27 |
| #7 | brody | 44% | 48 |
| #8 | Chelly | 43% | 67 |
| #9 | Nova55 | 40% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Olinbear | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | adam | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Chelly | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | brody | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | baku | 2 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | adam | 450 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #2 | Olinbear | 423 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #3 | Chelly | 248 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #4 | ZachTK | 116 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | baku | 98 | 0.17 | 3 min |





