








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 307 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 270 matches | ||
| Wingman | 41 matches | ||
| Premier | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3675 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,668 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2807 | 19% |
| Smokes | 3013 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4414 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 4434 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,316,326 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1000 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | MrIDidYourMom:) | 50% | 92 |
| #7 | danzy | 50% | 155 |
| #8 | O'Chan | 49% | 45 |
| #9 | kyte | 48% | 84 |
| #10 | Adv1ce <3 | 46% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tomtastic | 17 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Ulick | 11 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | MrIDidYourMom:) | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | danzy | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | kyte | 4 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tomtastic | 1527 | 0.22 | 44 min |
| #2 | Ulick | 976 | 0.14 | 24 min |
| #3 | danzy | 567 | 0.16 | 16 min |
| #4 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | 411 | 0.30 | 13 min |
| #5 | kyte | 324 | 0.17 | 10 min |





