








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 598 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 352 matches | ||
| Wingman | 127 matches | ||
| Premier | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4297 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,872 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6381 | 32% |
| Smokes | 5619 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 4894 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2978 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,353,354 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 157 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yer maws a bam | 63% | 112 |
| #2 | O'Chan | 61% | 67 |
| #3 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | 60% | 63 |
| #4 | Luke | 59% | 37 |
| #5 | Tomtastic | 58% | 396 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Fozzii | 53% | 329 |
| #11 | Cameron | 51% | 39 |
| #12 | Adv1ce <3 | 50% | 58 |
| #13 | TripleWhite | 48% | 33 |
| #14 | skv1nn. | 47% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tomtastic | 9 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | MrIDidYourMom:) | 8 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Luke | 6 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | Fozzii | 4 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | danzy | 4 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tomtastic | 1883 | 0.22 | 55 min |
| #2 | danzy | 787 | 0.17 | 21 min |
| #3 | Fozzii | 569 | 0.08 | 13 min |
| #4 | kyte | 450 | 0.17 | 13 min |
| #5 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | 443 | 0.31 | 13 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yer maws a bam | +2.38 | 81 | 70 |
| #2 | Tomtastic | +2.01 | 75 | 75 |
| #3 | kyte | +1.62 | 63 | 73 |
| #4 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | +0.79 | 78 | 82 |
| #5 | MrIDidYourMom:) | +0.77 | 83 | 56 |





