








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 937 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 295 matches | ||
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Wingman | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5214 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,444 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4474 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4476 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3531 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 4963 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,305,596 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 572 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ulick | 63% | 112 |
| #2 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | 59% | 85 |
| #3 | danzy | 58% | 24 |
| #4 | Fozzii | 58% | 76 |
| #5 | Tomtastic | 55% | 116 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b0nkers | 20 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Andy | 17 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Kachow | 11 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | Tomtastic | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | 4 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b0nkers | 1308 | 0.27 | 33 min |
| #2 | Tomtastic | 602 | 0.25 | 20 min |
| #3 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | 588 | 0.31 | 17 min |
| #4 | Andy | 496 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #5 | Kachow | 340 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yer maws a bam | +2.56 | 81 | 67 |
| #2 | Tomtastic | +1.26 | 68 | 77 |
| #3 | b0nkers | +0.94 | 65 | 69 |
| #4 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | +0.47 | 76 | 81 |
| #5 | Louis | +0.40 | 74 | 61 |





