








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 335 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 257 matches | ||
| Premier | 51 matches | ||
| Wingman | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4602 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,829 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4973 | 30% |
| Smokes | 4565 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3697 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3594 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $999,167 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 859 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kyte | 64% | 78 |
| #2 | Adv1ce <3 | 60% | 111 |
| #3 | Tomtastic | 59% | 195 |
| #4 | yer maws a bam | 58% | 24 |
| #5 | Ulick | 55% | 210 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ulick | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Tomtastic | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | Fozzii | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | kyte | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | sCoutMan | 2 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tomtastic | 1045 | 0.24 | 30 min |
| #2 | Ulick | 633 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #3 | MrIDidYourMom:) | 432 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #4 | kyte | 301 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #5 | Fozzii | 291 | 0.08 | 7 min |





