








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 392 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 474 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Renown | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 61 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7498 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,094 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4456 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4001 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 5363 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 3274 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,538,098 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 264 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Sash | 47% | 484 |
| #9 | Positive Mental Attitude | 46% | 335 |
| #10 | Alisson Becker | 46% | 124 |
| #11 | Houlberg ☘ | 43% | 102 |
| #12 | DONvito | 42% | 142 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sash | 19 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Positive Mental Attitude | 14 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Houlberg ☘ | 6 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | DONvito | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | ✪ Pabl0 | 4 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Positive Mental Attitude | 589 | 0.08 | 15 min |
| #2 | ✪ Pabl0 | 446 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #3 | Raphoenoxis | 351 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #4 | Houlberg ☘ | 331 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #5 | Sash | 260 | 0.03 | 4 min |





