








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 52 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 249 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 175 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2331 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,235 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3155 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2559 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4169 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 2352 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,597,390 of utility $195 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 99 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Raphoenoxis | 46% | 83 |
| #10 | Houlberg ☘ | 41% | 73 |
| #11 | Vastrakal | 41% | 66 |
| #12 | Sash | 41% | 323 |
| #13 | DONvito | 39% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | marni | 410 | 0.06 | 12 min |
| #2 | Houlberg ☘ | 257 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #3 | ✪ Pabl0 | 229 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #4 | Raphoenoxis | 193 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | Sash | 174 | 0.03 | 3 min |





