








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
358 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,031 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 170 | 16% |
| Smokes | 188 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 422 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 251 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $108,079 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Addictus Pornly | 55% | 31 |
| #2 | Chud Almighty | 54% | 39 |
| #3 | roeVwavecheck | 53% | 34 |
| #4 | rhyetohigh | 51% | 61 |
| #5 | PeePeePooPoo | 50% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | rhyetohigh | 51% | 61 |
| #5 | PeePeePooPoo | 50% | 32 |
| #6 | Fentjamin Cranklin | 44% | 16 |
| #7 | JuicinGoose.. | 41% | 17 |
| #8 | SWAZEEEE | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chud Almighty | 15 | 0.0192 |
| #2 | rhyetohigh | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Addictus Pornly | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | PeePeePooPoo | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | roeVwavecheck | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rhyetohigh | 87 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | roeVwavecheck | 74 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | JuicinGoose.. | 36 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | SWAZEEEE | 36 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #5 | Fentjamin Cranklin | 34 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rhyetohigh | +4.32 | 75 | 57 |
| #2 | JuicinGoose.. | +2.86 | 58 | 36 |
| #3 | Chud Almighty | +1.45 | 48 | 17 |
| #4 | Addictus Pornly | +1.28 | 41 | 46 |
| #5 | roeVwavecheck | +1.13 | 65 | 62 |





