








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 25 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 52 matches | ||
| Premier | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1719 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,927 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 893 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1416 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 947 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1671 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $473,378 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PeePeePooPoo | 61% | 23 |
| #2 | Ted Kaczynski | 55% | 31 |
| #3 | rhyetohigh | 49% | 190 |
| #4 | Chud Almighty | 47% | 119 |
| #5 | SWAZEEEE | 42% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chud Almighty | 42 | 0.0167 |
| #2 | rhyetohigh | 22 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | roeVwavecheck | 18 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | SWAZEEEE | 8 | 0.0081 |
| #5 | JuicinGoose.. | 5 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SWAZEEEE | 341 | 0.35 | 7 min |
| #2 | rhyetohigh | 304 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #3 | roeVwavecheck | 161 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | Fentjamin Cranklin | 146 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | JuicinGoose.. | 138 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rhyetohigh | +3.54 | 72 | 59 |
| #2 | Addictus Pornly | +0.82 | 46 | 46 |
| #3 | roeVwavecheck | +0.26 | 54 | 58 |
| #4 | JuicinGoose.. | +0.09 | 52 | 39 |
| #5 | Chud Almighty | -0.49 | 50 | 15 |





