








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
758 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,985 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 751 | 38% |
| Smokes | 207 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 622 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 405 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $356,498 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 190 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slabo | 68% | 57 |
| #2 | breese | 62% | 26 |
| #3 | flourish | 57% | 28 |
| #4 | neur0 | 50% | 10 |
| #5 | naweedy | 49% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slabo | 298 | 0.27 | 8 min |
| #2 | Dope Rider | 251 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #3 | fupas | 162 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | naweedy | 138 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | davey_d | 114 | 0.17 | 4 min |





