








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 225 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 366 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2237 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,203 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4112 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3689 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3242 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 4160 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $939,696 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 275 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | BeltFedBird | 52% | 73 |
| #12 | Hugh Janus | 52% | 104 |
| #13 | brinbran | 52% | 108 |
| #14 | Neosavic | 52% | 29 |
| #15 | weirdhoney | 42% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BeltFedBird | 6 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | Hugh Janus | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | DnT | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Swag_Lured | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | You A QT ♡ | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A.W.D | 120 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #2 | brinbran | 107 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Hugh Janus | 86 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | BeltFedBird | 86 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | DnT | 78 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOT Zohan | +0.84 | 66 | 51 |
| #2 | BeltFedBird | +0.73 | 62 | 58 |
| #3 | Ultracarrick | +0.62 | 72 | 73 |
| #4 | Hugh Janus | +0.46 | 83 | 66 |
| #5 | A.W.D | +0.37 | 84 | 62 |





