








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1112 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 888 matches | ||
| Faceit | 205 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 78 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




89 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12640 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 33,349 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6825 | 20% |
| Smokes | 8096 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 10599 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 7829 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,563,190 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1434 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | jishoa | 69% | 74 |
| #12 | Jamba Juice | 65% | 356 |
| #13 | Paradise | 63% | 179 |
| #14 | Yamete Senpai UwU | 61% | 75 |
| #15 | -Pax | 57% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noname | 53 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Jamba Juice | 25 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | nate | 19 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | gwanwoo | 10 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | 444 | 9 | 0.0057 |





