








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
369 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,207 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 361 | 30% |
| Smokes | 285 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 269 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 292 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $195,995 of utility $224 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 74 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪sally | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | T1ltN | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | guenni | 70% | 10 |
| #4 | Fellinger | 67% | 3 |
| #5 | Frodo of the Shire | 50% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Der Volvo Drifter | 42% | 19 |
| #7 | Biertester | 33% | 24 |
| #8 | Jeiblowy | 31% | 13 |
| #9 | Baaan | 31% | 13 |
| #10 | veni.vidi.vici. | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baaan | 1 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Frodo of the Shire | 1 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | T1ltN | 1 | 0.0070 |
| #4 | Fellinger | 1 | 0.0154 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeiblowy | 97 | 0.32 | 3 min |
| #2 | Biertester | 66 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | Baaan | 42 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #4 | Frodo of the Shire | 35 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #5 | veni.vidi.vici. | 25 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fellinger | +4.56 | 88 | 54 |
| #2 | ✪sally | +3.28 | 70 | 54 |
| #3 | Jeiblowy | +3.20 | 78 | 80 |
| #4 | Frodo of the Shire | +2.83 | 63 | 61 |
| #5 | guenni | +1.41 | 74 | 49 |





