








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 52 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2781 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,055 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3318 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2470 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1919 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2348 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $991,211 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Guy Milk | 52% | 286 |
| #5 | shord | 51% | 79 |
| #6 | yung baddie | 48% | 300 |
| #7 | gbc NateDog | 46% | 103 |
| #8 | Greg | 45% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Guy Milk | 19 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | UUUUOOOOHHHH | 11 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | yung baddie | 10 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | shord | 6 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | gbc NateDog | 4 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Guy Milk | 1218 | 0.21 | 35 min |
| #2 | yung baddie | 799 | 0.13 | 23 min |
| #3 | UUUUOOOOHHHH | 496 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #4 | shord | 351 | 0.22 | 9 min |
| #5 | gbc NateDog | 145 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UUUUOOOOHHHH | +1.60 | 67 | 73 |
| #2 | gbc NateDog | +0.71 | 79 | 52 |
| #3 | shord | +0.09 | 67 | 70 |
| #4 | Heisenberg | +0.03 | 47 | 47 |
| #5 | yung baddie | -0.23 | 71 | 65 |





