








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 33 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
651 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,662 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 506 | 30% |
| Smokes | 481 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 418 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 257 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $176,361 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 38 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ kstrm | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | HolyFoxFire | 80% | 5 |
| #3 | Gurk | 67% | 3 |
| #4 | haxfar | 67% | 3 |
| #5 | LEGO, Massive Yoinker | 67% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Head | 50% | 8 |
| #14 | sPurge | 50% | 8 |
| #15 | Duat | 50% | 12 |
| #16 | gamma_gandalph | 40% | 10 |
| #17 | mERcilezz | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gabbient | 4 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Lo_Siento | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Duat | 2 | 0.0088 |
| #4 | Head | 1 | 0.0062 |
| #5 | Käsmeister | 1 | 0.0066 |





