








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 67 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 149 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3846 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,078 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2846 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2779 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2521 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1932 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $932,950 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 80 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | haxfar | 70% | 23 |
| #2 | Gurk | 68% | 22 |
| #3 | gamma_gandalph | 66% | 61 |
| #4 | Head | 63% | 32 |
| #5 | Step sis Albedo | 62% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BedPleyar | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | sPurge | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Käsmeister | 3 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | gabbient | 3 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | LEGO, Massive Yoinker | 2 | 0.0012 |





