








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 68 matches | ||
| Premier | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
855 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,174 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 950 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1272 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1882 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1070 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $531,501 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | justjp1 | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | Tobî | 64% | 28 |
| #3 | Masta0ogway | 60% | 116 |
| #4 | Storm | 58% | 141 |
| #5 | Secro | 56% | 107 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Tobî | 64% | 28 |
| #3 | Masta0ogway | 60% | 116 |
| #4 | Storm | 58% | 141 |
| #5 | Secro | 56% | 107 |
| #6 | ΞMoneten Bursche | 50% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Masta0ogway | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | Secro | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Storm | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #4 | ΞMoneten Bursche | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Masta0ogway | 416 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #2 | Secro | 229 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #3 | Tobî | 170 | 0.28 | 4 min |
| #4 | Storm | 80 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | ΞMoneten Bursche | 65 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Storm | +3.86 | 93 | 57 |
| #2 | Masta0ogway | +2.27 | 79 | 64 |
| #3 | Secro | +1.98 | 73 | 65 |
| #4 | ΞMoneten Bursche | -0.76 | 54 | 64 |
| #5 | justjp1 | -2.81 | 29 | 53 |





