








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 72 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 120 matches | ||
| Premier | 63 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2637 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,732 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 564 | 8% |
| Smokes | 1412 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2464 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 2292 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $859,076 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 336 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | justjp1 | 65% | 20 |
| #2 | Tobî | 64% | 36 |
| #3 | Masta0ogway | 64% | 196 |
| #4 | Secro | 61% | 189 |
| #5 | Uganda Commanda | 58% | 141 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Tobî | 64% | 36 |
| #3 | Masta0ogway | 64% | 196 |
| #4 | Secro | 61% | 189 |
| #5 | Uganda Commanda | 58% | 141 |
| #6 | ΞMoneten Bursche | 48% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uganda Commanda | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Secro | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Masta0ogway | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | ΞMoneten Bursche | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Masta0ogway | 667 | 0.16 | 16 min |
| #2 | Secro | 410 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #3 | Uganda Commanda | 262 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | Tobî | 220 | 0.28 | 6 min |
| #5 | ΞMoneten Bursche | 103 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Storm | +3.21 | 92 | 55 |
| #2 | Secro | +1.67 | 70 | 67 |
| #3 | Masta0ogway | +1.58 | 77 | 66 |
| #4 | ΞMoneten Bursche | -1.07 | 56 | 61 |
| #5 | justjp1 | -3.12 | 29 | 47 |





