








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 427 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 98 matches | ||
| Premier | 50 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
924 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,709 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 352 | 13% |
| Smokes | 494 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1047 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 816 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $810,109 of utility $266 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Captain Holt | 54% | 35 |
| #2 | Fives | 52% | 44 |
| #3 | Harry Gemöse | 50% | 16 |
| #4 | Zendos | 44% | 153 |
| #5 | H4NN3S | 39% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | H4NN3S | 39% | 28 |
| #6 | Dirk Noschwitzki | 39% | 28 |
| #7 | ZenUno | 39% | 23 |
| #8 | Camila Banana | 38% | 21 |
| #9 | felpantl | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zendos | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Captain Holt | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Fives | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Camila Banana | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | ZenUno | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zendos | 224 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #2 | Fives | 130 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | felpantl | 68 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #4 | ZenUno | 43 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Camila Banana | 35 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zendos | +3.16 | 76 | 63 |
| #2 | ZenUno | +3.15 | 68 | 65 |
| #3 | felpantl | +2.40 | 78 | 72 |
| #4 | Fives | +1.66 | 67 | 73 |
| #5 | Captain Holt | -0.11 | 45 | 48 |





