








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 560 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 236 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2608 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,336 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2042 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3358 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2045 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2891 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,385,099 of utility $214 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 139 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James Bond | snowiie | 52% | 44 |
| #2 | Harry Gemöse | 50% | 147 |
| #3 | Captain Holt | 49% | 209 |
| #4 | Zendos | 49% | 239 |
| #5 | Dirk Noschwitzki | 44% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Harry Gemöse | 50% | 147 |
| #3 | Captain Holt | 49% | 209 |
| #4 | Zendos | 49% | 239 |
| #5 | Dirk Noschwitzki | 44% | 27 |
| #6 | Camila Banana | 43% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Captain Holt | 8 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Zendos | 6 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Camila Banana | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Harry Gemöse | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | James Bond | snowiie | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zendos | 428 | 0.08 | 12 min |
| #2 | Captain Holt | 268 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #3 | Harry Gemöse | 173 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #4 | Camila Banana | 56 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | James Bond | snowiie | 45 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zendos | +1.31 | 71 | 67 |
| #2 | Fives | +1.24 | 71 | 66 |
| #3 | Harry Gemöse | +0.16 | 74 | 58 |
| #4 | Captain Holt | -1.08 | 48 | 46 |
| #5 | James Bond | snowiie | -1.26 | 49 | 41 |





