








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 243 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 170 matches | ||
| Wingman | 62 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2942 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,524 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1649 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1963 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2403 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1509 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $922,400 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | felpantl | 56% | 93 |
| #2 | H4NN3S | 56% | 131 |
| #3 | Dirk Noschwitzki | 51% | 191 |
| #4 | Schneehase | 50% | 14 |
| #5 | Camila Banana | 49% | 132 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Camila Banana | 49% | 132 |
| #6 | SoulStormBrewery | 48% | 23 |
| #7 | Jonas | 48% | 21 |
| #8 | James Bond | snowiie | 39% | 23 |
| #9 | Fives | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirk Noschwitzki | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | H4NN3S | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Camila Banana | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | felpantl | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Fives | 1 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | felpantl | 238 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #2 | Camila Banana | 187 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #3 | Dirk Noschwitzki | 174 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | H4NN3S | 123 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | Fives | 33 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZenUno | +3.98 | 74 | 67 |
| #2 | felpantl | +2.19 | 78 | 67 |
| #3 | Fives | +1.39 | 63 | 72 |
| #4 | Camila Banana | -0.45 | 56 | 59 |
| #5 | Schneehase | -0.48 | 59 | 54 |





