








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1476 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 247 matches | ||
| Wingman | 203 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4579 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,877 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2902 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3456 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4030 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2489 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,002,168 of utility $213 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 26 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Harry Gemöse | 51% | 146 |
| #2 | Captain Holt | 50% | 203 |
| #3 | Fives | 49% | 239 |
| #4 | James Bond | snowiie | 44% | 153 |
| #5 | Camila Banana | 42% | 148 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | James Bond | snowiie | 44% | 153 |
| #5 | Camila Banana | 42% | 148 |
| #6 | H4NN3S | 40% | 65 |
| #7 | felpantl | 38% | 45 |
| #8 | Dirk Noschwitzki | 33% | 103 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Captain Holt | 8 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Fives | 7 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Camila Banana | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | felpantl | 4 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | James Bond | snowiie | 3 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fives | 513 | 0.10 | 17 min |
| #2 | Captain Holt | 256 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | Harry Gemöse | 169 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | felpantl | 159 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #5 | Camila Banana | 149 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zendos | +2.40 | 74 | 65 |
| #2 | felpantl | +1.21 | 74 | 69 |
| #3 | Fives | +1.18 | 70 | 67 |
| #4 | Harry Gemöse | +0.29 | 74 | 59 |
| #5 | Captain Holt | -0.96 | 48 | 46 |





