








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 991 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1051 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10095 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,337 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9612 | 34% |
| Smokes | 6794 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 5112 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 6819 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,834,212 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1657 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lemon | 56% | 62 |
| #2 | Gr3ml1n | 55% | 75 |
| #3 | Benny | 52% | 138 |
| #4 | ohsosleazy | 51% | 57 |
| #5 | TheNaughtyPantsler | 49% | 108 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | TheNaughtyPantsler | 49% | 108 |
| #6 | Lemon | 45% | 77 |
| #7 | deB | 44% | 271 |
| #8 | TheGooose69 | 41% | 133 |
| #9 | Jorgen Von Strangle | 40% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deB | 8 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | lemon | 7 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | TheGooose69 | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | TheNaughtyPantsler | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Gr3ml1n | 4 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deB | 2302 | 0.39 | 71 min |
| #2 | TheNaughtyPantsler | 681 | 0.29 | 15 min |
| #3 | Gr3ml1n | 233 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #4 | lemon | 184 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | Benny | 154 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jah | +0.80 | 53 | 55 |
| #2 | Lemon | +0.55 | 56 | 48 |
| #3 | Benny | +0.11 | 54 | 57 |
| #4 | deB | +0.04 | 33 | 79 |
| #5 | TheNaughtyPantsler | -0.29 | 48 | 60 |





