








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 444 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 263 matches | ||
| Faceit | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3776 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,324 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3418 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3539 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3082 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3285 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,638,285 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 367 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.Ed | 62% | 34 |
| #2 | Fu1krum | 59% | 39 |
| #3 | José Coolio | 58% | 33 |
| #4 | Brodobagins | 57% | 68 |
| #5 | 𝔍𝔞𝔪𝔟𝔬 | 55% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Lucid | 47% | 34 |
| #12 | Lissie Mcguire | 45% | 147 |
| #13 | TwiztedAgony | 44% | 82 |
| #14 | Penguinflops | 42% | 48 |
| #15 | -emia | 40% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ed0 | 8 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | IXPotterXI ™ | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Brodobagins | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | -emia | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | Lissie Mcguire | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lissie Mcguire | 715 | 0.23 | 17 min |
| #2 | IXPotterXI ™ | 619 | 0.26 | 16 min |
| #3 | Ed0 | 418 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #4 | 𝔍𝔞𝔪𝔟𝔬 | 380 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #5 | -emia | 202 | 0.21 | 5 min |





