








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 643 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 345 matches | ||
| Faceit | 180 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8260 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,819 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11320 | 37% |
| Smokes | 8128 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4764 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 6607 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $863,703 of utility $59 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 436 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bublés | 74% | 38 |
| #2 | kai | 62% | 60 |
| #3 | holycow | 58% | 59 |
| #4 | Antic | 55% | 40 |
| #5 | IXPotterXI ™ | 52% | 196 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ed0 | 10 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Penguinflops | 10 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | IXPotterXI ™ | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Antic | 6 | 0.0069 |
| #5 | Brodobagins | 5 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | IXPotterXI ™ | 974 | 0.23 | 23 min |
| #2 | Ed0 | 829 | 0.11 | 21 min |
| #3 | Chuck's Cuck | 518 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #4 | 𝔍𝔞𝔪𝔟𝔬 | 378 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #5 | holycow | 272 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bublés | +4.42 | 76 | 74 |
| #2 | Lissie Mcguire | +2.22 | 69 | 70 |
| #3 | Penguinflops | +0.96 | 85 | 52 |
| #4 | Ed0 | +0.91 | 74 | 63 |
| #5 | Brodobagins | +0.68 | 67 | 61 |





