








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1133 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 462 matches | ||
| Faceit | 119 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




54 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7418 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 40,141 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12018 | 30% |
| Smokes | 10866 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 7349 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 9908 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,768,432 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 444 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.Ed | 66% | 50 |
| #2 | José Coolio | 64% | 58 |
| #3 | Brodobagins | 59% | 68 |
| #4 | 𝔍𝔞𝔪𝔟𝔬 | 55% | 86 |
| #5 | Chuck's Cuck | 54% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ed0 | 18 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Count Cumula | 7 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Lissie Mcguire | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Chuck's Cuck | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Brodobagins | 5 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lissie Mcguire | 977 | 0.23 | 24 min |
| #2 | Ed0 | 690 | 0.12 | 19 min |
| #3 | Chuck's Cuck | 438 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #4 | José Coolio | 309 | 0.25 | 7 min |
| #5 | 𝔍𝔞𝔪𝔟𝔬 | 288 | 0.16 | 6 min |





