








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 160 matches | ||
| Premier | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2217 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,431 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 769 | 14% |
| Smokes | 2079 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 1183 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1400 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $983,180 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 796 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Escape From Kajso | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | Saskia | 59% | 56 |
| #3 | Deavided185 | 58% | 100 |
| #4 | ☯ Harozip. | 58% | 158 |
| #5 | dr thc | 57% | 199 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deavided185 | 9 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | dr thc | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | ☯ Harozip. | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Fredy | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Saskia | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☯ Harozip. | 228 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #2 | dr thc | 207 | 0.05 | 7 min |
| #3 | Deavided185 | 190 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | Saskia | 147 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | Fredy | 140 | 0.09 | 4 min |





