








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 45 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 158 matches | ||
| Faceit | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2718 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,093 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3333 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2640 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2332 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1788 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $685,742 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 195 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Saiyajin HomerLadiesMan | 76% | 17 |
| #2 | kriss | 62% | 39 |
| #3 | LowBudget- | 58% | 31 |
| #4 | TPS | 58% | 38 |
| #5 | N'Golo Kanté | 58% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Jymm! ◉ ͟ʖ ◉ | 52% | 33 |
| #9 | Diddily | 47% | 17 |
| #10 | Chris P. Chicken | 46% | 41 |
| #11 | R0biNbLy4t | 32% | 22 |
| #12 | Hotwing | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Addi ♡ | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | TPS | 2 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | N'Golo Kanté | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | Saiyajin HomerLadiesMan | 2 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | Diddily | 2 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TPS | 145 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #2 | Addi ♡ | 127 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Jymm! ◉ ͟ʖ ◉ | 94 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | LowBudget- | 83 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Chris P. Chicken | 82 | 0.10 | 2 min |





