








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 316 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 156 matches | ||
| Premier | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2886 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,957 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3750 | 38% |
| Smokes | 3542 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1260 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 1405 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $947,058 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 70 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | c0sy- | 68% | 40 |
| #2 | G0rt1xs | 65% | 46 |
| #3 | becx. | 64% | 88 |
| #4 | criz | 61% | 59 |
| #5 | k0Rn | 60% | 235 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | SilentF666[IGL From HELL] | 54% | 99 |
| #10 | Manning | 54% | 71 |
| #11 | ♤ ♣ ♧ ♥ⒷⒶⓈⒸⒽⒾ | 44% | 18 |
| #12 | kevin2K | 44% | 25 |
| #13 | RisQz ♛ | 32% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ashton Clutcher | 8 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Manning | 5 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | k0Rn | 3 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | RisQz ♛ | 3 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | C-man395 セドリック | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ashton Clutcher | 917 | 0.24 | 27 min |
| #2 | k0Rn | 469 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | SilentF666[IGL From HELL] | 305 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #4 | Manning | 268 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #5 | c0sy- | 173 | 0.20 | 4 min |





