








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 236 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 82 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2094 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,940 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2791 | 47% |
| Smokes | 1622 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 819 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 708 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $417,031 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 142 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | 1337enKEWKEN | 48% | 112 |
| #8 | Ajabaja | 45% | 55 |
| #9 | pain train dwein | 44% | 43 |
| #10 | big dumb | 44% | 75 |
| #11 | Raggy | 35% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shit Eater | 20 | 0.0120 |
| #2 | 1337enKEWKEN | 19 | 0.0083 |
| #3 | Ajabaja | 14 | 0.0120 |
| #4 | snork | 13 | 0.0202 |
| #5 | Fender on a bender | 12 | 0.0103 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1337enKEWKEN | 408 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #2 | big dumb | 220 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #3 | Recal | 165 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | pain train dwein | 154 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #5 | snork | 138 | 0.21 | 3 min |





