








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 494 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 164 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 218 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3023 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,748 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3346 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1778 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 4217 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 2407 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $491,453 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 565 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | snork | 55% | 102 |
| #7 | pain train dwein | 50% | 34 |
| #8 | 1337enKEWKEN | 48% | 187 |
| #9 | Recal | 48% | 102 |
| #10 | Schvenn | 44% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | snork | 27 | 0.0142 |
| #2 | Shit Eater | 25 | 0.0123 |
| #3 | 1337enKEWKEN | 12 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Fender on a bender | 12 | 0.0088 |
| #5 | Ajabaja | 11 | 0.0090 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1337enKEWKEN | 480 | 0.13 | 12 min |
| #2 | Schvenn | 378 | 0.26 | 9 min |
| #3 | snork | 365 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #4 | Recal | 191 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | Shit Eater | 140 | 0.07 | 3 min |





